Relationships & Dairy

Being lactose intolerant is like having a beautiful girlfriend you can’t kiss. Sometimes you just have to chance it and kiss her, because she’s so irresistible. Then you end up paying for it later.

It makes diary even more attractive, because you can’t have it. It like walking through a food porn isle at the supermarket. You’re thinking to yourself, ” look at that yogurt”,  or “that sexy box of cereal, I’d like to frost those flakes of corn”. Lol ok maybe not that intense. But being lactose intolerant and a pizza lover sucks.  It’s my kryptonite. Hot cheese, sauce and bread. I won’t kill for it, but I’d definitely risk a tummy ache for it. Every time.

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TV Relationships

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Do women really love fat guys? From the days of,”The Honeymooners”. To the days of, “Black-ish” & “King of Queens”. We’ve seen the fat guy, skinny wife dynamic. Does this hold true in real life? Is this how Santa got Mrs. Claus? Well, then again she’s a BBW so I don’t know if that theory holds true there. Perhaps, big guys offer the warmth of a teddy bear, or comfort of a hearty laugh. Perhaps, it’s the the ability for bigger guys to care more, as they haven’t had as many encounters with women. Maybe not. Whatever the case is, maybe us men should drink our beers, eat like pigs and be merry. As TV would like us to believe, this is the way to attract a beautiful woman. Guys try it out. Check with your doctor first though.

Relationships & Gifts

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Everything is not a Christmas gift!
But who am I to dictate what is a gift and what is not?

I watch holiday commercials and think to myself retailers must really be desperate. Like take for instance rent-a-center or Aaron’s Christmas commercials. Why would you advertise your products for Christmas? Who wants the gift of weekly payments for outdated furniture and electronics?

Or Dunkin Donuts. I can get coffee anytime. Ok, honestly I wouldn’t mind a box of those donuts under my tree, but that’s a different issue lol.

I guess it all comes down to the thought behind it. I remember packs of socks as gifts from my grandmother as a child. I never ran out of them. On those cold winter days, I doubled up on socks, because she loved me enough to get them. Where the gifts I received that cost more, like video game consoles and my first bike, I eventually out grew.

I guess my message to businesses this holiday season is, everything is not a gift and should not be marketed as such. My message to consumers, give what you can from the heart. Love is the greatest gift of all. Yet, no one advertises that, and it’s free.

Bonnie & Clyde- Down route 26

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She came out of nowhere. Suddenly giving my life meaning. Every challenge we’ve face, we’ve faced together. Times when a normal chick would’ve said, “goodbye”. She said, “Let’s keep going”. Riding down that route 26, grinding on the job and dreaming of a dynasty. We’re down for each other. Y’all can’t break us, we’re more than lovers. This complex, but true relationship. Yeah, we fight. She keeps me on my feet. Whether in motel rooms, to dive restaurants in the sticks. We’ll keep riding that 26. Catch us if you can. It’s both or none. Yeah, we’ve got that kind of love. A king and queen. A Bonnie & Clyde kind of thing.

Tech & Relationships

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Has technology spoiled us? Remember the days of kids going outside to play? Or when we ate dinner together sharing a conversation? Instead of looking down at our smartphones every 2 minutes. We knew our neighbors. We didn’t know who was calling before we picked up, we didn’t care. We watched TV together, and went on family trips. We couldn’t tweet about it or post pics. We spent our time enjoying those trips, and creating memories. We weren’t paranoid of each other as people. The lack of tech kept us innocent to a degree. Or simply ignorant to what was going on around us. Either way, each relationship and experience was personal. A physical letter in the mail from a crush, sealed with a kiss. Who wants an emoticon kiss? No perfume or cologne sprayed gently in that email to remind us of their scent. Yes, my friends technology has killed the fabric of relationships. However, has given us the ability to be in touch with the world. But at what cost?

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To the chosen few.

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Here’s to losers. The ones who dance funny at parties. The math geeks. The ones who would rather talk technology than football. Your only friends are a bandwagon of misfits. Here’s to the ones who thought a girl liked the them because she touched their arm for a second. To the pioneers who are dressed in thick framed glasses, armed with back packs, and underestimated at every challenge. So what? You were picked last to play kickball in school. So what? You were put down by your classmates, eating lunch alone, spending your Friday nights with a book and a cry. You held your glasses together with tape. You now hold your head up high. You got that girl. You succeed in life. Here’s to you loser. Here’s to winning.

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Food trap of love

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So you’re on a date. You both order your food. You’re making great conversation, and then your food finally arrives. So you take little bites as not to seem like too much of a pig in front of your date. As your eating you then realize your food is undercooked and gross. Here comes the drama. You don’t want to complain to the waiter. If you do she may think you’re a jerk who complains all the time. If you don’t complain she may think you’re a wimp who can’t speak up and take control of situations. What if you complained, looked manly in front of her, and when the waiter returned with you food, you got a healthy dose of spit with it, Because now the waiter thinks you’re a jerk for complaining. Your date has now become a horror fest, as you continue conversation to cover up the gross dilemma on your plate. Undercooked food I shall eat then. Neither wimp or jerk shall I be. However, I’m hoping my stomach will play along until I return home. Guess who’s not getting lucky tonight. Oh well, I’ll tell her, I just want to take slow. Nicest guy in the world now. Win.

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