Refreshing bits

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There are something’s in life I’ve found, albeit little, they bring me much joy.

1. Chasing spicier nacho Doritos with a cold Coke.

The sensation of the cold acidic Coca-Cola, running across a  burning hot tongue is so refreshing.

2. Cough drops with the liquid center.

You’re sucking on this little minty jewel until, wait for it, “BAM”. Extra minty lava pours from within. It’s like the north pole in your mouth.

3. Law & Order (any flavor episode)

That great moment at the end of the episode when I turn to my friend who’s watching along and I get to say, “See, I told you he was the murderer!”  and then there’s a last minute story twist and someone else did it.

4. Hot Apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

It’s like the pie and ice cream are making love in your mouth.

5. Oreos.

This mystery chocolate cookie. Dunk it in milk and feel like you’re 10 again.

6. The cold side of the pillow.

Simply put, YES!

What makes you smile?

Relationships & Dairy

Being lactose intolerant is like having a beautiful girlfriend you can’t kiss. Sometimes you just have to chance it and kiss her, because she’s so irresistible. Then you end up paying for it later.

It makes diary even more attractive, because you can’t have it. It like walking through a food porn isle at the supermarket. You’re thinking to yourself, ” look at that yogurt”,  or “that sexy box of cereal, I’d like to frost those flakes of corn”. Lol ok maybe not that intense. But being lactose intolerant and a pizza lover sucks.  It’s my kryptonite. Hot cheese, sauce and bread. I won’t kill for it, but I’d definitely risk a tummy ache for it. Every time.

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TV Relationships

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Do women really love fat guys? From the days of,”The Honeymooners”. To the days of, “Black-ish” & “King of Queens”. We’ve seen the fat guy, skinny wife dynamic. Does this hold true in real life? Is this how Santa got Mrs. Claus? Well, then again she’s a BBW so I don’t know if that theory holds true there. Perhaps, big guys offer the warmth of a teddy bear, or comfort of a hearty laugh. Perhaps, it’s the the ability for bigger guys to care more, as they haven’t had as many encounters with women. Maybe not. Whatever the case is, maybe us men should drink our beers, eat like pigs and be merry. As TV would like us to believe, this is the way to attract a beautiful woman. Guys try it out. Check with your doctor first though.

Relationships & Gifts

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Everything is not a Christmas gift!
But who am I to dictate what is a gift and what is not?

I watch holiday commercials and think to myself retailers must really be desperate. Like take for instance rent-a-center or Aaron’s Christmas commercials. Why would you advertise your products for Christmas? Who wants the gift of weekly payments for outdated furniture and electronics?

Or Dunkin Donuts. I can get coffee anytime. Ok, honestly I wouldn’t mind a box of those donuts under my tree, but that’s a different issue lol.

I guess it all comes down to the thought behind it. I remember packs of socks as gifts from my grandmother as a child. I never ran out of them. On those cold winter days, I doubled up on socks, because she loved me enough to get them. Where the gifts I received that cost more, like video game consoles and my first bike, I eventually out grew.

I guess my message to businesses this holiday season is, everything is not a gift and should not be marketed as such. My message to consumers, give what you can from the heart. Love is the greatest gift of all. Yet, no one advertises that, and it’s free.

Pet Peeves

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There are lots of things in life I cannot stand. Like traffic jams after work on a hot day. Or long checkout lines at the grocery stores. However, these few take the cake.

1. When people say, “thanks, but no thank you”.

You’ve already thanked them. Then you un-thank them. This makes no sense. If I don’t want something, I’ll say, “no, thank you”. Why is the additional thanks needed? Is this a way for people to try to be extra nice while displaying their disgust for something they don’t want?

2. The phrase “Hands down it’s the best”.

Who’s hands were up to begin with? Or are you demanding we put our hands down for something you think is the best. Sorry sir, I have an opinion too.

3. When people use “Labtop” instead of Laptop.

No need to elaborate on this one.

4. Chicken fried chicken.

Huh? How do you chicken fry chicken that’s fried? Would it not already be fried chicken? Why not fry it the way chicken should be fried in the first place? Or is that the point?

5. TV commercials at the movies.

Ok, if I wanted to watch commercials, I’d wait till the film aired on TBS.

6. When articles start with, “You should be reading this” or “You should be watching this”.

I’ll watch whatever I want. Thanks, but, no thanks! Lol.

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Relationships & Wal-Mart

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My relationship with this place is a love & hate one. With more hate than love. Sure, the deals are sometimes very good, but that’s where it ends.

The wonderfully large mega store filled with needs and the not needed. Grumpy employees, and they have every right to be. It always seems to be 100 degrees in there, with unsupervised children running rampant. People walk aimlessly around, teased by low prices signs, and product displays.

A store so crowded, parking is a nightmare. Imagine parking 20 miles from the store doors, braving the sweltering Texas heat, only to reach your non air conditioned oasis, filled with everything under the sun, except the one thing you came there to get. Wait, Wal-Mart doesn’t carry my brand? You’ve gotta be kidding. But for some reason, I keep going back.

Relationships & Crazy

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I love the crazy things in life. I believe a little bit of crazy is healthy. Now I’m not talking about weird creepy dude in the subway tunnel at midnight crazy. However, I’m talking about the grown person who still watches cartoons. I’m talking about the person who dips their French fries in their chocolate shake. Crazy things like prank calls and funny t-shirts. Or the crazy old man down the street.

A little crazy is good for us. It opens us up to vulnerability. Allows us the chance to step out of our norm. This is why television is so popular as art imitates life. Without craziness, there would be no entertainment. No pioneers. No game changers. Just bored grumpy people. Now what kind of world would that be? So in the words of Prince, “let’s go crazy”