Refreshing bits

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There are something’s in life I’ve found, albeit little, they bring me much joy.

1. Chasing spicier nacho Doritos with a cold Coke.

The sensation of the cold acidic Coca-Cola, running across a  burning hot tongue is so refreshing.

2. Cough drops with the liquid center.

You’re sucking on this little minty jewel until, wait for it, “BAM”. Extra minty lava pours from within. It’s like the north pole in your mouth.

3. Law & Order (any flavor episode)

That great moment at the end of the episode when I turn to my friend who’s watching along and I get to say, “See, I told you he was the murderer!”  and then there’s a last minute story twist and someone else did it.

4. Hot Apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

It’s like the pie and ice cream are making love in your mouth.

5. Oreos.

This mystery chocolate cookie. Dunk it in milk and feel like you’re 10 again.

6. The cold side of the pillow.

Simply put, YES!

What makes you smile?

Relationships & Dairy

Being lactose intolerant is like having a beautiful girlfriend you can’t kiss. Sometimes you just have to chance it and kiss her, because she’s so irresistible. Then you end up paying for it later.

It makes diary even more attractive, because you can’t have it. It like walking through a food porn isle at the supermarket. You’re thinking to yourself, ” look at that yogurt”,  or “that sexy box of cereal, I’d like to frost those flakes of corn”. Lol ok maybe not that intense. But being lactose intolerant and a pizza lover sucks.  It’s my kryptonite. Hot cheese, sauce and bread. I won’t kill for it, but I’d definitely risk a tummy ache for it. Every time.

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Pet Peeves

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There are lots of things in life I cannot stand. Like traffic jams after work on a hot day. Or long checkout lines at the grocery stores. However, these few take the cake.

1. When people say, “thanks, but no thank you”.

You’ve already thanked them. Then you un-thank them. This makes no sense. If I don’t want something, I’ll say, “no, thank you”. Why is the additional thanks needed? Is this a way for people to try to be extra nice while displaying their disgust for something they don’t want?

2. The phrase “Hands down it’s the best”.

Who’s hands were up to begin with? Or are you demanding we put our hands down for something you think is the best. Sorry sir, I have an opinion too.

3. When people use “Labtop” instead of Laptop.

No need to elaborate on this one.

4. Chicken fried chicken.

Huh? How do you chicken fry chicken that’s fried? Would it not already be fried chicken? Why not fry it the way chicken should be fried in the first place? Or is that the point?

5. TV commercials at the movies.

Ok, if I wanted to watch commercials, I’d wait till the film aired on TBS.

6. When articles start with, “You should be reading this” or “You should be watching this”.

I’ll watch whatever I want. Thanks, but, no thanks! Lol.

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Food trap of love

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So you’re on a date. You both order your food. You’re making great conversation, and then your food finally arrives. So you take little bites as not to seem like too much of a pig in front of your date. As your eating you then realize your food is undercooked and gross. Here comes the drama. You don’t want to complain to the waiter. If you do she may think you’re a jerk who complains all the time. If you don’t complain she may think you’re a wimp who can’t speak up and take control of situations. What if you complained, looked manly in front of her, and when the waiter returned with you food, you got a healthy dose of spit with it, Because now the waiter thinks you’re a jerk for complaining. Your date has now become a horror fest, as you continue conversation to cover up the gross dilemma on your plate. Undercooked food I shall eat then. Neither wimp or jerk shall I be. However, I’m hoping my stomach will play along until I return home. Guess who’s not getting lucky tonight. Oh well, I’ll tell her, I just want to take slow. Nicest guy in the world now. Win.

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Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

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Kroger, oh dear Kroger, you oatmeal raisin cookies are amazing! You, my friends, win the contest for the best generic brand food. I can just imagine the sweet old ladies working in your kitchens, putting that home made taste into your cookies. So sweet, and yummy that my teeth slowly chip away and cavity. What little sacrifice for your ever moist goodness. You should be banned in all countries. There should a prescription necessary to eat these delicious cookies as they are addictive.

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My silly food relationship

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These chips are amazing
Lightly covered potato chips with just the right amount of sour cream and onion powder. Folks, it doesn’t get any better than this. Take a bite and feel the flavor dance on your taste buds, as you mouth says feed me more…. more. If it wasn’t for the obvious fat content, I’d eat a whole bag, seriously. When did these chips get so good? Why was I not informed till now? It is a travesty that there’s not much of a fuss about them. Well, I’ll cheer for you. Rock on sour cream and onion ruffles! 🙂

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