Fairy Tales

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So you got married? Finally, here’s the woman or man of my dreams!  We’re going to have wonderfully behaved kids, a big house in the suburbs, great jobs, and it’s going to be the life I’ve always wanted. Then suddenly, you’re laid off, one of those cars broke down, your kids are out of control, and your partner is stressing you out. What are you to do? Most often times, people rush into these situations, and then give up, because it was not what they thought it would be. If you’re not married, take your time. Understand that it is more than a fairy tale, it’s work. It’s for those who are truly in love. Remember, love is not selfish, love never fails. However, lust is in the moment, and most often always will fail when the desire is gone. If you are married, learn to work together. The key to keeping the happiness, is to never forget what made you happy to began with. Take time to evaluate yourself. Ask yourself, “Do I still do the things that made him/her smile” or, “What made me fall in love with her/him to begin with”. Remember, that your spouse may grow over the years, but they are still “the one”.  Bring out that person in you both. Renew, Re-love your relationship.

-Route 26

What happens after the honeymoon?

 

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Speaking from experience , a person never knows how it will be living with the person that you dated for years. You have to adapt to living with them and compromise about things now. The relationship can’t be one sided. Communication and respect are necessary for the relationship to last. The first year of marriage is the hardest. You discover things and habits about your partner that you didn’t know. The love you have for your partner has to be unconditional. Couples must think about what brought them together. The worst thing to do is give up. The task ahead of you as couple is to remain committed to your relationship, be honest with each other, and communicate

-Chocolate Chip

Why give up now?

 

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The easy thing to do is to give up on a relationship that is not working. Emotions sometimes take the best of us and we say things that we don’t mean. We must think before we speak because if we say something that is hurtful, it will be hard for the other partner to forgive and move on. But, if that happens we must apologize and make a promise not commit this behavior again. Marriage is a covenant that must be taken seriously. Couples should never stop fighting for their relationship. Too often other parties want your relationship to fail because they are miserable. Couples must hold fast to each other and belief that their marriage will make it and not be another statistic.

Chocolate Chip 

FInd things you like to do, “TOGETHER”

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A lot of times, we fall in to the category of “roommates” instead of marriages because we don’t share ourselves. The things that brought us together, should be the things that keep us together. As we share ourselves and time together, we began to acquire new interest. New things in common. Having these common interest makes for a great friendship. It’s gives us things to laugh at, talk about, and do together, After all, aren’t we supposed to be best friends in the first place? If we forget, and ignore these things, we ignore our partner. If we ignore our partner, we ignore our relationship. Put in the work.

-Route 26

Don’t forget the romance

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A critical part of any relationship is romance. It is one of the ingredients you cannot leave out. Yes, there is another part which is critical to the survival of any relationship, sex. However, we’ll get to that part later. Romance to me is, doing the little things to show how much you care. It doesn’t have to be a trip overseas, or a brand new expensive item. It’s the LITTLE things you do to show you care in a big way. If you consistently nurture each other, you will began to embody true romance. Your homework tonight is to develop a pattern of doing little  romantic things to and for your partner. Practice makes perfect. Here’s are some helpful exercises.

Little things:

-The gentle kisses you give each other while laying in bed.

-Running your fingers through her hair, as she lay head head upon your chest.

-Leaving her little sticky notes of love around the house, so she finds them periodically through the day.

-Sending her flowers (Of course)

-Date nite (So crucial)

-Writing her a poem.

-Singing her a song. (Even if you can’t sing. She may tell you to hush, but it’s the quirky things like this that show you care.)

-For women, show interest in something your guy likes. Maybe his favorite show or sports team. Wear a shirt of his (trust me men like this). Or feed him grapes or candy.

-Route 26

Love keeps no record of wrongs

Let’s STOP pointing the finger!

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A relationship cannot be healthy, if we are constantly bringing up events of the past. To forgive, is to also forget. No matter what anyone has taught you. If you can’t forget one’s actions, you can not fully forgive someone. Because you will always have a prejudice against them.  The process works, when you can work through an argument using love. OK, someone will say, “I can’t, I’ve been through this too many times with my partner already to keep forgiving”.  Notice the past being brought up again, “I’ve been through this too many times already”. Can you imagine is we asked God for forgiveness, and He replied, “I can’t, I’ve been through this too many times already to forgive you”. OK, I’m not implying we are our Creator. However, we are to be like Him, and in doing so we MUST forgive, and forget to move on. next time you fight, instead of bringing up old arguments, think of what you’re fighting about. Thinking about if it’s worth ruining your relationship. Then think about Love. Put down your finger, work through the process called a relationship.

Route 26

What is love and relationships anyway?

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1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is what the Bible outlines as the definition of love. This love as described in the verse above, is very important, It is not geared only to loving your fellow man, but loving your partner. Let’s break this verse down in terms of relationships.

Love Is Patient

Patience is key in any relationship. A lot of relationships end in haste. Someone’s feelings got hurt, and we walked out, because of anger. A relationship is the process of being together, via working things out as they come along. This calls for patience. If you walk away from a relationship, because you don’t want to put in the work, you were NOT in a “relationship”. You are not following the process of working things out. Love is patient, love is kind.  Love does not hit on his spouse, or verbally abuse her. Love does not damage her husband’s belongings, calling him a b++ch and emasculating him.

To be in a relationship, you MUST be in a process of working things out. Working out finances, kids, travel, or whatever it maybe. This my friends takes patience. Sometimes, great patience. But, to those who persevere, comes the reward. That reward is Love.

Love Is Kind

It is easy to become provoked to anger, when our partner has done something we don’t like. Or has made a decision, we disagree with. However,  is a cancer that ruins the best of relationships. What good is forgiveness, if we continue to harbor anger in our hearts? Remember, love is not easily provoked. Have we then truly forgiven our partner? Or have we just suppressed the issue.  Suppression only leads to the problem resurfacing. Do we love our partner to stop anger in it’s tracks? We must realize, our partner may not see things as we do. They may process situations differently. Although, we disagree with the way they handle things, we must stop, and put love first.  Calm down, own our feelings, respect our partner and work though the process of a relationship.

-Route 26